Me, Thing One, Maria and Coach Bill$

I read an article in the Wall Street Journal called This Is Your Brain Without Dad. Scientists studied rodents called degus whose brains react similarly to humans’ brains to environmental stimuli. These scientists attempted to observe what happens when fathers are taken out of the picture. And the verdict was:

1. When deprived of their father, the degu pups exhibit both short- and long-term changes in nerve-cell growth in different regions of the brain.
2. Their preliminary analysis indicates that fatherless degu pups exhibit more aggressive and impulsive behavior than pups raised by two parents.

In other words when degus where deprived of their fathers care (licking, preening, snuggling) the degus suffered brain damage. The study also showed short absences of fathers away from pups was less damaging than long or permanent absences. The study also goes on to say that the pups continued this brain damaged state into adulthood. I will let you read the article to get the explanation as to the science-y reasons any of this happens.

It got me to thinking, am I causing my kids brain damage? I’ve tried my best to form my schedule where I can spend as much time with the babies as possible. To a degree, I’m successful but not without a lot of sacrafice in other areas of my life. But even with that effort my non-parenting obligations simply don’t neatly conform to a court ordered 50/50 custody schedule.

Inevitably, I’m spending guilt-filled time away from the babies. Although the babies are much better off than most children of split marriages/relationships in that they see both of their parents consistently and frequently, it’s still not ideal. The article was a swift reminder I need to be diligent in carving out time with the girls, both quality and quantity. There are a few things I try to do and would suggest for any parent, especially parents who do not live with the children 100% of the time:

Choose your companion well.  Eddie Murphy once joked the secret to relationship happiness is finding someone as f’d up as you and settling down. [Read more →]

Flickr by something.from.nancy

As the first post on this blog, I thought it best to explain the concept of “Big Piece of Chicken”. I m a fan of comedian Chris Rock. The first time I heard the phrase was during his HBO special “Bigger and Blacker in reference to the reward – the big piece of chicken at dinner – good fathers get for going about the normal business of caring for their children. A New York Times article explains, “Mr. Rock excoriates deadbeat dads and laments the lessened importance of the traditional father”.

In the act Rock says,

[The real daddies] Make your world a better, safer place, and what does daddy get? The big piece of chicken. That s all daddy gets is the big piece of chicken.

I certainly don t care about the big piece of chicken and am not looking for praise for doing the normal business of parenting. The love of my children is reward enough. (I know, very high on the sap-o-meter.) I really just think the reference is funny. So how does a father earn the big piece of chicken? David Alan Grier puts it best in song.

Black Daddy: I Get The Big Piece of Chicken